He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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