His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
