the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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