tequila makes me forget i have legs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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