careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
