sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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