i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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