i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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