I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
