Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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