So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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