i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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