i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's shark week go big or go home
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
