sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
