Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
