so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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