she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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