Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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