the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
