I'm gonna have a badass scar
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
