Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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