And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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