you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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