I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
