i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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