I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
