Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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