if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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