I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
