I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
