Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
