the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
