I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
