i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
