just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
handjob tips. give me some.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
