Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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