There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
