it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
