me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
