They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
