i permit you to call me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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