you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
