My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
