I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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