Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
