I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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