they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
