What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
