Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
