hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
