I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
